The real attraction to Australia as a home resounds in my freedom to believe what I want. I can bring my kids to church where I don’t fear a military attack and imprisonment. It’s unlikely that I’ll be decapitated and my head gruesomely put on a stake, lining a street with my other Christian believers. I am free to attend church. I am free to talk to my friends and neighbours about Jesus.

This is the big appeal for me.

So as I tucked our religiously-free children into their beds tonight we thanked God that Australia is a good place. That our government respects our right to be Christian. And we prayed that Australia will always be that place. Because things like this are never certain in life. Especially things like this. But for now, we celebrate another blessed year of life in Australia, with appreciation and thanks to the God who desires it this way.

A man was healed. By Jesus. On the Jewish holy day of rest- the Sabbath. The Jewish teachers got all up in Jesus face about the miracle. In amongst Jesus’ response to them is this:

Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. (John 5:19 NIV)

And I read this about it in Carsons book- the difficult doctrine of the love of God.
‘ the Son ( Jesus) by his obedience to his Father, doing only what God gives him to do and saying only what God gives him to say, yet doing such things in function of his ability to do whatever the Father does, acts in such a way as to reveal God perfectly. In other words, if the Son acted in line with the Father sometimes and did his own thing on other occasions, we would not be able to tell which of Jesus’ actions and words disclose God. But it is precisely his unqualified obedience to and his dependence upon his Father that ensure that his revelation to us is perfect.’

A perfect God revealing himself (obviously) perfectly!

I’m enjoying this read. And not only because the book is so thin. (and, in stark contrast- imperfect Nicole reveals her flawed self not so perfectly)

Grasping out for her longingly…

There’s a tangible connection between these two. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re the younger pair, or because Willow likes babies as much as I did when I was a kid. Maybe she feels that now she’s the older one she can dote on her little brother in the same way that Avalon dotes on her. For whatever reason, these guys adore each other.

Ezekiel is a simple creature. If you give him attention-he likes you. The more attention you give him= the more he likes you. Willow gives him LOADS of it. I often have to pull her away from him if he’s learning a new skill so that she doesn’t interrupt the process. He loves Avalon and will smile when she enters the room. But when Willow comes in- he’ll squirm and squeal in pleasure. It’s a lovely thing. Avalon’s time with Zeke is basically with her as the teacher, showing him things and attempting to guide him. Willow on the other hand is pure, silky fun. One day Zeke will appreciate Avalon for her guidance as much as he appreciates Willow’s playfulness. It’s going to be interesting to see that progression as he matures.

And whilst I crave sleep like some type of drug during these early mothering years it’s with some sadness that the rest comes. It means that my little boy is growing up. He won’t be a newborn much longer (if he’s even fitting into that category now). Ezekiel thanked me for his first 2 tablespoons of rice cereal by sleeping 6.5 hours last night. The first time that I haven’t been up to feed him 3-hourly or 4-hourly (if I was lucky) since his birth in August. I know that being a parent is all about strengthening these children for a life without you, but I’m really not ready to say goodbye to these early years. And if I know myself at all then I think that I probably never really will be. Even if Craig was happy to have 10 children, I know that when my eggs shriveled up I’d still be missing these days. Pregnancy and birthing new life is so life altering. Every time. Not just the first one. You think I’m insane, don’t you?

But I get handed our baby- the person that Craig and I have partnered with God in creating- and the emotion attached to those experiences for me is inexplicable (but I’ll try!) Relief, ecstasy, joy, thankfulness, admiration, fear, love and a thousand other feelings course through me. This person is an extension of Craig’s love for me and my love for him. Our love is multiplied again and again with each new baby. And we love each other more as we appreciate the new roles that we’re thrown into: sleepless nights and hard disciplining, the efforts of breast-feeding, the teething battles, the teaching and the re-teaching. These little people unintentionally thump at our selfishness hard enough to mould us. They can make us better people in the process of parenting, if we succumb to loving the other more than ourselves.

Then in the dead of the night when I’m missing my sleep so badly that I’m nodding off while feeding, I can be surprised by a happy gurgle from my little baby looking back at me lovingly with a gummy smile. And the joy is intoxicating. It’s hard saying goodbye to a good thing. I know that I’ve got years of schooling challenges ahead of me, dance recitals, boyfriends/girlfriends, punchups and cat fights. Parenting isn’t over. But this newborn stage is coming to a close for me. And (much like every stage of life that can’t be relived again) the rose-coloured glasses are slipping down as I remember back on these last 4 years. Pure rose-coloured days of bliss.

Thank you to my friend Yarni for finding this riveting excerpt from the book “Do chocolate lovers have sweeter babies?”. Thank you also to my friend Andrea, whose page was stalked by my facebook news feed. Your lack of privacy settings is much appreciated!

Avalon is incredibly independent now. She voices her opinions freely. She’s obsessively obedient. Asks for help (mostly) when she needs it. Makes friends quickly (which she then enjoys bossing around…hopefully preschool will round off those rough edges!) She makes up games and helps others play them with her. She’s so helpful around the house and loves doing jobs to assist me and make my life easier. (She even took Willow’s nappy off her the other morning and got her onto the potty and successfully wiped her clean!) She doesn’t have toileting accidents anymore and is entirely self-sufficient if the taps aren’t too tight. She is even water conscious! She is an over-achiever. She’s altogether lovely and sweet.

But in saying all that, she’s my first baby. And it barely feels as though she’s moved past the demanding toddler phase. Years evaporate with other little people demanding my attentions. I’m not ready for her to start this whole schooling process. I can imagine being one of those Mums that pull their kids out of school for the day to go to a museum exhibition with me, or to take them on a holiday. I actually really, really enjoy the company of our kids. They’re awesome. Sure, they have been a lot of hours and energy to raise even to this small milestone but they are wonderful. And I don’t want to give up my Avalon to the time-hungry beast that is schooling just yet. Upon reflection, I don’t know if I ever would be ready. I enjoy having my brood around me and the days that she isn’t there are going to feel disjointed and incomplete.

Little Avalon. One day when you read this you will see how much I grieved about this whole thing. But not now. Now it would be mean of me to show you how I truly feel. I’ll be praying that preschool is enjoyable and challenging and know that while you are away a fuzzy grey spot will be in my heart, reminding me of your absence.

Two weeks into 2011 and I was in emergency with a pending ruptured appendix which threatened Zeke’s life. He was 10 weeks old in utero at that stage and I was already protective of him. The decision to cut me open was a really hard call. I didn’t want to make it, so Craig did. We were pretty much told that he’d be fortunate to survive because the body might react badly to being cut into and it might just reject him. Alternatively, they said when the appendix ruptures that he’d die anyway and my life would also be threatened by the massive internal bleeding that would follow. Being cut into and being denied drugs stronger than panadol was a ghastly thing. It was up there with Willow’s birth as the most painful experience of my existence. But, I’m often surprised by how resilient our bodies are. Now if only I could say that my mind is similarly tough… We were so thankful that God kept Zeke growing and healthy, and despite several other health issues (on my part) which made us call off our trip to Paris, we were overjoyed to finally have him in our arms. The boy who may not have lived. It was a sobering life-changing moment. I’m even more appreciative of life because of it. And he’s another wonderful life to remain thankful for. Every time that I now see Ezekiel, I’m reminded of another gracious gift which highlights God’s goodness to me.

It has been a year where life has been put in perspective. and the transient things like buying our first home and the difficulties of moving 2 days before Zeke arrived (in hindsight) are just happenings. They don’t deserve emotion in amongst the big things that we know friends of ours are faced with.

It was a turbulent year in so many aspects. Many of my friends have had serious life threatening difficulties in their pregnancies, many marriages have been tested through fire, many relationships clinging by a thread. And 2011, more than any other year past has confirmed for me where my heart should lie- straight in the centre of Christ’s safe palm.

Christ’s blessings and comfort to all of you as you reflect on the year that is soon to be referred to as history. May you grieve and then repent of the things that you did wrong, receive peace about the things that you won’t be able to change and be encouraged that every minute with Christ is a new beginning. He washes those sins off us willingly, releasing us from guilt and pointing us always towards the future we get to share with him. Every moment with God is like a new year beginning. Enjoy the farewell of 2011!

So here are some things that I’ve come to accept, because I have kids, and not only that, because with each additional kid you realise how unachievable having your place spotless is. (Unless of course, you have the dosh to hire cleaners).

So Nix, remember these things:

1. If you run out of time to cook dinner (because lets say that each child has cried one after another in the day), consider a heated pie, a peeled carrot and an apple a balanced dinner. And move on to the more pressing matters of relaxing with a tea.

2. Don’t clean obsessively when people come to visit, but do make sure that the couch is clear of toys and there’s a path through the mess of every room to avoid injuries.

3. Enjoy your evenings. Try not to clean the nights away, because having no time for yourself is detrimental to being a happy and healthy Mum.

4. Accept help. Say yes to visitors and your husband. “Yes, I’d like you to help cut up the kids sandwiches, thanks. Yes, I’d love for you to take my rubbish out that is collected into 3 white tied rubbish bags on the kitchen floor. Yes, I would love for you to look after the kids one night so I can have a meal out with my hubby. Yes, yes, yes!!!” Accepting help is not a form of weakness, it’s mandatory to not losing your mind. Remember that being responsible for the wellbeing of 3 people (or one) is a big effort and a lot of the time, you’re sacrificing your own desires and needs to care for them best. Give yourself a break and let someone else pat your newborn to sleep, or heat up a bottle, or stir the pasta, or wipe down a bench. Every little bit of help counts towards your sanity (as does prayer might I add).

5. Get out of the habit of changing your spewy newborn every time they have an episode. Just get over it. Your washing machine barely gets time to dry it’s insides as it is. Alternatively, if you can be bothered, change them but use the old clothes to mop up the spewy floor with before popping it into the washer. This way you can get all excited that you’re helping the environment by using less paper towel.

6. (I’ve got thousands more but I’ll end here because this is another long one) Get your kids in the habit of being clean. Get them to learn to wipe their own hands before they get down off the table, because sure enough it’ll be the day that you’re distracted talking to a friend that your kids will run over to the couch with yoghurt fingers. Teach them to be clean and give them that responsibility and you’ll find that you clean less, overall.

But if you’re a more impressive person than me (not hard to achieve this) then you can just tell yourself that kids make mess, and be content to live that way for a time without beating yourself up about it.

It’s not often that I get the headspace to rest and appreciate everything that my Lord Jesus has done for me. But even if I don’t get that chance, I need to create it. This is the time to do it. Right here and now. All the time. Every minute and with every continuing breath I need to be thankful. Really thankful, not token thankful. A true and earthed heartfelt thankfulness.Even though I feel like I’m running as fast as I can just to stay where I am, this is the moment in time to realise my blessings. And to accept my tenuous hold on them. Because I’m not really meant to be grasping hold of them tightly. That would lead me to a bad state of mind. They are placed in my hands, for now, these earthly blessings. Placed for a time or for my entire time on earth for my good. And I don’t know which. And if my blessings leave, that too I should see is God’s way of growing me. Stretching me to trust him more and trust in “things” or other people less. For in riches or in poverty I can do all things through him who strengthens me. These blessings in health and wealth and family point to the generous giver of the blessings. I should focus on the greatest blessing of eternity- a chance to have a relationship with my creator. Blessings need to be appreciated while they’re there because this life is fleeting. My prayer in this Christmas season is to be a person worth imitating, for the sake of my children who need someone to show them the narrow path. For the sake of my husband who needs a strong godly wife by his side, encouraging him on and the sake of God’s people who I’m responsible for. It’s enough responsibility to make me call on God in prayerful dependence. So pray for me that I will pray. So that it’ll be in God’s strength, not my own that I endeavour this.

And in this season where we (Aussie society) still (somewhat) celebrate the Christian God, Jesus- you too should be thinking. Now is the only time to do it. Whenever the time is now (which if you think about it is always!) Think and reflect on whether you believe in who this baby lying in a manger grew up to be. The man (not a gurgling, non-speaking), Jesus. Who claimed that he was the saviour of our world. Do you think he is God? Because no matter how hard we try to grasp hold of what’s in front of us, the reality is that God can take that all away from us as quickly as he blessed us with it. People die and are gone. Don’t put your faith in the loved ones in your life bringing you security or even happiness. Wealth can very quickly strangle us and our joy and contentment before disappearing out of sight. Nothing is certain to remain. Nothing except the person who has been here since the beginning and will be around until the end. The triune God. So what do you think about him?

Wouldn’t it be sad if we went through life, busying ourselves so that we could put away thinking on this Christian Jesus? Wouldn’t it be sad if we ruined our chances at eternal happiness because we wanted to grasp hold of the temporary happiness that we have here as being “it”.

The Lord is God and he has made his light shine upon us.

With boughs in hand, join in the festival procession

up to the horns on the altar.

You are my God and I will give you thanks;

you are my God and I will exalt you.

Give thanks to the Lord for he is good;

his love endures forever.

Colour in the rainbow.

The outcome: Avalon’s artwork: (which almost got tear-streaked because she did the colours in the wrong order to the song…)

Willow’s artwork: otherwise known as the anti-rainbow. Typical middle child behaviour. Honey, I get it.